so it´s been a REALLY long time, and A LOT has happened!!! But, i´m sitting at an internet cafe in guiamaca and don´t have the time or patience for the slow internet. So, in short, i made back from costa rica safely... i survived the presidental coup... i bathed in a waterfall... and, of course, i´ve been well loved by the amazing kids here. AND, i´m coming home on August 21st... so i can´t wait to see everyone and catch up on your lives! much love!!

so... it's been awhile... sorry about that. i've been traveling with little access to the internet and then when i got back to the orphanage last week, the internet was down... so that's my excuse. :)

april was quite a month for me! my mom came, and i was able to share my experiences with her in person... it was so great for her to see and feel where my heart has been for the last 4 months. she brought lots of goodies from friends and church, and it was so great to see the kids' faces light up when we passed out chapstick, lotion, hair ribbons, suckers, toy cars, etc. 

after my mom spent a few days at the orphanage, we headed to antigua, guatemala for holy week. it was quite a site! i think the entire country's population was crammed into the little city.  there were big processionals with "floats" of different scenes from Jesus's last days. the streets were covered in ornate carpets made out of colored sawdust or sand... each took hours of work and it was gone in seconds as the procession walked over it. kaley and i even got to help make one! and one of the biggest highlights of antigua was that we ate a lot of really great food! one of the lowlights was our terrible hike up volcano pacaya... everything that could go wrong did... our bus broke down... twice... rained... cloudy... dark... really difficult hike... and NO LAVA!!!!! we were bummed, but glad to be alive... seriously.

after a week in antigua my mom flew home, and kaley and i headed to a small town on a lake surrounded by volcanos for 2 weeks of language school. it was such a great experience... we had class for 4 hours a day... and by class i mean sitting by the lake, drinking coffee and getting one on one teaching from a guatemalan. we also lived with a family in the town, which was an incredible experience... we were able to live life with them instead of just being a normal tourist in hotel. :) they even dressed us in their traditional clothes for our last day of class... we were a hit if i do say so myself. :) the town, san pedro, was also oddly enough a hippie town as well... real hippies from all over the world, being hippies and living among guatemalans dressed in traditional mayan clothing... it was a strange site. and, of course, since we embraced the traditional mayan clothing, we also had to embrace a part of the hippie lifestyle as well! one of my favorite things we did in san pedro was take a painting class from some locals... after 6 hours of painting we have a really great memory of our visit to san pedro that we can hang up at home! :) so, san pedro was so great... i highly recommend it for anyone wanting to take language school or just escape for a little while and live out your inner hippie.

so, we've been back at the orphanage for a little over a week now, and i'm actually leaving tomorrow to go to costa rica for 5 days... my visa is about to run out, and i have to travel to belize or costa rica to renew it. please pray for my safety... i'm traveling alone, which i'm looking forward to the alone time, but i'm also a little nervous to travel by myself in central america. 

i will post some pictures soon of my time in guatemala because they describe things much better than i can... and i'll have some pictures from costa rica to add to it!

buenas noches!!! good night!!!

Hola!! I hope everyone is doing well! I miss you!! And, thank you for your prayers! Well, my mom is coming on Friday, and I'm really excited for her to see what life has looked like for me for the past 2 and 1/2 months!! I have so many people for her to meet and things to show her... I can't wait! Also... I have some news... so, I'm not coming home on April 4th... I'm not quite ready to let this place go yet, and I found out about an amazing and ridiculously affordable language school in Guatemala. So, my mom will be here until Sunday, and then we're heading with Kaley to Antigua, Guatemala for Holy Week! My mom leaves Saturday before Easter, and Kaley and I will travel to a small town on a lake that is surrounded by volcanos called San Pedro for two weeks of language school. Then I'll be back here at Emmanuel for a little while. My visa expires on May 16th, so I either have to come home then or travel to Belize or Costa Rica to renew it... please pray for me that the Lord will give me direction on what to do. Don't worry... I want to come home... I'm just not sure exactly when... life here is so much simpler, and it's so easy to see the Lord at work here, that it's hard for to leave when I'm not sure what I'm going to being doing when I get home.... speaking of... does anyone have a job for me?? or a place to live?? just kidding... kinda. :) 

This is Bayron... this last week the Lord really used him to stretch me beyond myself. It's difficult to put his story to words, but I'll try, because this little boy has changed me. Bayron is around 13, but functions at the level of about a 2 year old. He can't care for himself and his vocabulary consists of about 3 words, so he can't communicate to others what he's thinking, feeling or what he needs. He's been at Emmanuel for a number of years now, but for the majority of his life he was treated like a dog by his family. I'm sure he was born with a mental disability, but I believe the harm done by his family is what has really paralyzed him... he spends his days sitting... just sitting, he doesn't play or interact with the other children, and his eyes speak his sadness where his voice can't... my heart breaks for him.  

One of my jobs here is to give the boys medicine at breakfast and dinner. Bayron is one of the boys that I have consistently given medicine to twice a day... to be honest, I didn't enjoy it when it came time to give Bayron his medicine. He has had a severe cold since I've been here, so there is always snot dripping down his face, he smells because he often uses the bathroom in his pants, and he puts up a fight whenever I attempt to give him his medicine... not an ideal situation for someone who doesn't do the whole nurse thing real well.  But, last week Bayron came to stay at the clinic because his cold and cough had gotten much worse, and he had stopped eating. Clinic duty is 24 hours a day and the responsibility of the volunteers... to put it nicely, clinic duty is not my cup of tea.  And, with Bayron... there had to be two of us there at all times because he's quite a handful... Kaley and I managed to be in the clinic for 95% of his stinky, and I mean very stinky, diapers. On Tuesday of last week we managed to change 4 diapers, sets of sheets, and clothing and give 4 showers in 3 hours. To say we were tired is beyond an understatement. In the beginning of that morning, it was all I could do to not throw up... changing diapers has been something I've managed to avoid for the majority of my babysitting career, so changing the very dirty diaper of a 13 year old was a bit out of my comfort zone. But, by the end of the morning and definitely by the end of the week, I would give him a shower and change him with a glad heart because wanting him to be comfortable and know that he was cared for exceeded my wanting to dry and poop-free. Bayron's eyes changed the week he was in the clinic... and so did my heart. Now, his eyes have a light in them, and we get a smile out of him every now and then. The Lord taught me to care for someone that my flesh had no desire to even see. He taught me to love what I would have preferred to run from. He showed me myself in Bayron and how without Him I am totally helpless. He showed me Himself in Bayron and how in even the saddest situations He gives hope. Bayron is back in the house with the boys, and I now give him 4 kinds of medicine each day... I see in his eyes that he knows me, and it's no longer a fight to get him to take his medicine... and, it's the highlight of my day to see his beautiful eyes look into mine, and well, if I get a smile that day, then it's just icing on the cake. 

well, i promised my next blog would be a heart blog... so, here it is. my heart is bursting at the seams. i'm receiving a hundred fold of what i'm giving... it's amazing how the Lord works. my days are filled with many hugs and much laughter; my nights are filled with sweet time of fellowship with the other volunteers. i feel like just beyond the surface are a lot of tears, so i honestly try to not think about it too often because knowing me, i would be crying all the time... the tears do come though, and they're coming more often now that i'm connected to the hearts of the people here. the tears are for gratefulness for my time here, for the joyful hearts of the kids, for the amazing fellowship that i have with the other volunteers, for the sweet worship in church, for the way that certain kids have changed me. my tears are also for the brokeness of this world and the flesh, for the things these kids have experienced, for their need for love beyond what they can receive here and praying that the Lord will be real to each of them. 

He is so big and He is working here in such visible ways... there is so much here to feel and i'm grateful that He is showing me a new facet of Himself through the love of these precious kids. as much as i try, there aren't words to express His kindness towards me. i am full. 

i added new pictures!!! and, i tried around 87 times uploading a video... but, i just couldn't get it to work, so i put it on facebook... it's so cute!! :)

wow.... what a week!!! i'm honestly having a hard time remembering what all happened! the granddaddy of all teams arrived on friday and we spent most of the week preparing for their arrival. the team is here for three weeks and they are doing dental check ups on all 400+ kids and they are also finishing the construction on the male volunteer house. i've been a little frustrated this week, because with all of the preparation, i hardly had any time with the kids. they start school on the 16th, so i want to spend as much time with them as possible. there is also a girl with chicken pox that is quarantined in the clinic and has to have constant supervision, so i've spent a lot of time there. So, I was worn out this week because i didn't have much time to myself and frustrated because I wasn't getting to do what i wanted... hmmm... isn't that how life is so often? always something to complain about... the Lord has given me this amazing opportunity, and i'm surrounded by great kids in a beautiful place, but I want it to be just the way i want. the Lord is constantly teaching me to be satisfied in Him right where i am... not only when i'm doing what i want.  bloom where i'm planted (as the wise c. nock says). He has also helped me see His goodness in this week... little roxanna, who has the chicken pox,  and i have bonded over the hours spent on puzzles and through my very broken spanish, i've been able to learn her story. she's such a sweet kid with a gentle spirit, i don't think a nicer kid could have gotten the chicken pox... she asks to sweep and mop the clinic each day... who does that??!! and, i'm so grateful for one of the staff families here... they are so warm, encouraging, and real... all the time. they help me to see the blessing in everything and keep things in perspective.  and, some really fun things happened this week too...  i cut a few girls' hair!! :) it was quite hilarious for me... they all want their hair cut, and they don't care if you know how to our not... so, i cut their hair! words can't do it justice, so i'll have to post a picture or 2... i think i have a new career path ahead of me... you can email me me if you'd like to make an appointment. :) also, 2 other volunteers and i rode to tegus(about 1 1/2 drive from the orphanage) on wednesday in the back of a pick up truck! it was quite an experience!! we had a great time in the capital city of honduras... we did a walking tour of the city... went into the cathedral and the art museum, ate lunch at an authentic honduran restaurant, and drank some amazing coffee and enjoyed some delicious pastries!! and, today i got to spend all day with the kids!! it was so great! after church, i played with the girls and then when they went to lunch, i went an played with the boys! so, although the week was tiring and a bit frustrating at times, i am so glad to be here, and i'm thankful for the great and not so great moments because it is all a part of Him working in me. 

i posted a slide show! enjoy!!!!! i'm cutting hair tomorrow, so i'll be sure to document that too! :)

hope everyone is doing well! love yall!

Well, I made it!! I'm here!! Sorry for the lack of updates, but my computer wasn't working... until now!! Yay!!  So, I'll try to give a brief summary before the internet connection disappears!

Thank yall for all of your encouraging comments and emails, it's so great hearing from home!

I LOVE it here!!! The kids are sooo precious and loving... they run up to me like I'm their long lost friend and tackle me with hugs! So sweet! And, it is absolutely beautiful here... there are mountains surrounding the orphanage, the sunsets are incredible and it's warm here!!! I'm going to have a nice tshirt and chaco tan before too long! :) So much has already happened, and I've learned so much, that I don't even know where to start.  There are around 400 kids here... most of them technically aren't orphans... they just come from rough family environments or from families that aren't able to provide for them. Each of them has a story and have been through more in their short life than I can ever imagine going through... I've only been told of a few of their backgrounds, and it's absolutely heart breaking to hear what they been through. It's shocking to me how happy they are, despite their history. I pray that Orphanage Emmanuel will be a place of peace and restoration for them. The kids are split up by age and gender... there are the small(5-10) girls, middle(11-14) girls, and big girls (15-20ish). The boys are split up the same way and all of the toddlers are together (2-5). Right now it's summer for them, so they've been spending most of their days in their "yards"(big open area near their houses) or in the gym. I've spent the majority of my time with the middle kids... the boys are so fun! I've played soccer and/or basketball in the gym with them almost everyday. They love to laugh and run, and I've learned that I don't need much spanish to do that! :) I've been eating lunch and dinner in the different houses with the kids... there's not too much variety rice, beans, tortillas, ramen noodles and a few vegetables thrown in from time to time.

I feel like this is getting a little long, so I'll leave you with this last picture (in your head, until I figure out how to upload pictures to this thing)... today, around 40 or so girls and 40 or so boys were given cowboy boots... they look so adorable!! :) The boys got brown and the girls got pink. Nashville has found it's way to Guaimaca, Honduras!!! HOWDY!!!! :)

Ahhh... the pressure of the first blog written by someone who is quite unfaithful to the journaling thing... and, a little frightened by the fact that I'll be speaking my thoughts on the world wide web. But, in an effort to stay connected with my family and friends while I'm in Honduras, here I go...

First, thank you to whoever reads this and remembers to lift me up in prayer... it's quite humbling to think that I have people in my life that would take time out of their busy day to see what's happening with me and to make petitions to the Father on my behalf. Thank you for going on this journey with me; I'm eternally grateful. Also, thank you for the role that each of you play in my life... I am her in part because of you... each of you has influenced me to put me on the path of where I am today. So, thank you for your encouragement and guidance. The Lord has used you greatly in my life.

So, this Friday, January 16th (also my mom's bday!), I'm headed to Orphanage Emmanuel in a small town called Guaimaca. There, I'll live life alongside kids that don't know what it's like to have earthly parents. I'm going hoping to give to these kids, but I know that what they give me will far outweigh what I can even begin to imagine. I pray that I soak in each moment, the great and not so great, because I know that the Lord is teaching me something through it all.

As the weeks have dwindled to days before I depart, I'm feeling a lot of emotions... a lot of excitement mixed in with a lot of fear. To be honest, I'm pretty anxious about it... what do I have to offer them? I don't what it's like to be abandoned by my parents. I don't know what it's like to be in need of basics like food, clothing, and shelter. I can't speak Spanish beyond a 1st grade level. I'm pretty scrawny, so I can't build them anything. I have a degree in accounting, what good will that do at an orphanage? How am I going to relate???... it's easy for me to look at the things I'm lacking and get pretty darn discouraged. But, I'm going... I'm trusting, walking by faith knowing that this is the next step that He has called me to. I remember hearing one of my pastors at church say that we will never be fully equipped or prepared, but we offer ourselves to the Lord and trust that He will make us enough. That is the Truth I'm clinging to... He is enough, and if I am in Him, then He will make me enough.